Ya know that bread you get at restaurants that's so good that you can't stop eating it? You gorge yourself on it. You were hungry when you got there and you asked for some bread right away just to soothe the pangs.
The waiter brings the bread. It's warm and fresh. Steam rises out of the basket. You pick up a slice, slather it with too much butter and take a bite. A little mound of butter slides off the side of the slice as if it were surfing down a melted golden wave that didn't soak in fast enough.
Your eyes close and you sigh to yourself as the planet stops spinning and time stands still. All is silent in the world, and for a moment you are sensuously in touch with nothing but the deep, yeasty saveur -- the crunch of the crust, the slight chew of the crumb, and the briny creaminess of the butter that's sumptuously melting off of your bottom lip.
That's what I did tonight for dinner, and I never left home! I finally achieved bread.
This was the best bread I've ever had in my life and I made it myself with nothing but all-purpose flour, water, salt, a tiny bit of yeast, and no kneading whatsoever. Unbelievable!
I made the dough last night before I went to bed. Must've been around midnight or so. I left it out on the counter at room temperature. When I looked at it again it was nearly 1:00 pm, 13 hours later. It was starting to look like bread! It had nearly doubled, but I wanted to make sure that it picked up every nuance of excellence that it could. After all, I've been working on this project for nearly two weeks.
About 4:30 this afternoon I pulled the soft, bubbly, living mass onto a flour drenched towel, shaped it into an elongated loaf, and let it sit for another two hours. It doubled again.
Following Jim Lahey's directions I placed a heavy walled Dutch oven and lid in to the oven for 30 minutes at 450 degrees F. Once the pan was hot I carefully (but not gracefully) lobbed the flour covered loaf into it, placed the cover on, and shoved it in for 20 minutes.
The hot covered container serves a couple of purposes.
The secret to amazing crust is steam. Commercial bakeries that produce high quality European style breads often have ovens that automatically inject steam for the first half of the baking period. Without it you cannot develop good crust.
The enclosed blazing hot space of the Dutch oven holds in moisture from the dough and simulates the effect of the steam oven.
The bottom and sides of the Dutch oven are so hot that the dough doesn't stick at all. The other incredible benefit of this process is that the searing hot surface duplicates the bottom of a brick oven for that old world taste and texture that is equally difficult to duplicate without the proper equipment. Plus, you get what some call "burnt" but quality bakers call "French sunshine" (you want this on this kind of bread).
The result of the whole process is a rustic looking loaf (maybe a little too rustic on this first attempt) with rich crackling crust, large chewy crumb with big holes, and a depth of flavor that cannot be described in words.
The best part -- anybody that can operate a measuring spoon can make bread just like this.
We paired the bread with some awesome barbecued chicken, some perfectly cooked haricot vert in a light mustard and shallot sauce, and capped it off with a dish of Mom's famous southern peach cobbler a la mode.
Daddy always said that, "Few black women and no white folks at all make peach pie like your mama." He was right about that...and I suspect he would've approved equally of the bread.
An hour or so after the cobbler dissipated I went after a couple more slices with some honey! I can hardly wait 'til breakfast.
(Unkle Chef is making some home cured bacon with some kickin' naturally raised pork belly from up the road a'piece. Check back next week for a collaborative BLT!)
I made a comment a couple posts ago about how people have been making bread since the beginning of time, so it can't possibly be too difficult.
Well, as it turns out...two weeks into my research on sourdough I haven't produced the first crumb of anything you could call "bread".I have nearly as many different starters as Heinz has sauces (kidding), and I can't even make a cupcake. Tell you what I did make though...
The current recession that has caused me (and a bunch of other folks) to be out of work going on three months has brought up a renewed interest in beans. Tonight I made a bangin' pot of chili with a leftover Latin-flavored pork tenderloin, some black beans, a can of Ro*tel spicy diced tomatoes, and a couple of chipotles. And, I quickly threw together what I shall call Sourdough Corn Blini. They're too bread-like to be a johnnycake, too light to be called bread, too thin to be a muffin, too thick to be a pancake, and they are partially yeast-raised. Thus, blini. Here's the recipe:
1/2 cup Sourdough Starter 1/2 cup Flour 1/2 cup Cornmeal (we use white cornmeal in my part of the south) 1/2 cup Milk 1 Egg 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt 1 tsp Sugar 1-1/2 tsp Baking Powder
Mix all ingredients together to make a smooth, thick batter. Let set for 1 hour at room temperature or overnight in the fridge.
Heat up a griddle or skillet to medium heat, coat with melted butter, and spoon batter onto the surface like you're making pancakes. You can make them any size you'd like. Mine were nearly 3 inches across when they were done.
They should cook fairly slow, as they will rise to about 3/8" thick, and you want to be sure they cook through. Mine took about 3 minutes per side. If they're cooking too fast then turn the heat down a bit. They're best served right away!
These blini were just awesome with the chili I made. They were fairly light and fluffy with a slight sweetness and just enough cornmeal profile to make them taste "different", but not enough to make them taste like cornbread (which I don't care for). I had the last couple with some butter and some blueberry preserves that a friend had given me.
I thought that these things were so quick, easy, tasty, and neutral that they would be good with jalapenos and cheese folded in, maybe some chopped bacon and shallots, or even on the sweet side with some blueberries folded in. I might prefer dried blueberries to fresh, or even another dried fruit like cranberries or cherries!
Back to sourdough...I made this great video of the breadmaking process to share with you, but when the dough hadn't risen but about 10% in 16 hours I decided to pitch it and not waste your time with the video.
What I have done is gone to the Sullivan Street Bakery site and put together Jim's recipe for No-Knead Bread. This is what I was shooting for to begin with, but was using a modification to allow for sourdough starter instead of yeast.
Go to his site and check out the recipe. If I end up with bread tomorrow I'll let you know.
Damn, I'm starting to feel like I've spent 25 years of my life to get to the point where I know nothing. Maybe that's not a bad thing.
If this guy doesn't offend you then keep reading...
I have sooo had enough of PETA. Seriously. Who in the fuck are these people? If you're just tuning in, it's People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
I totally get not clubbing baby seals. They're amazingly cute. They can't have much meat on them, and who would want a seal fur coat?
I used to live near the California coast and would often drive to a beach where you can view literally hundreds of elephant seals sunbathing. I dig the seals. There was another beach I frequented where it was not uncommon to see seals and otters playing and feeding in the surf just a few yards away from me. Cool!
But, I can also tell you that I knew some restaurateurs at Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco that loved seals like most people love pigeons or roaches. The place is overrun with the damned things. They're noisy and they make a mess. Tourists don't know any better - they think they're cute and they feed them constantly. They're like stray cats and raccoons. You can't get rid of 'em.
Honestly though, I've always lived in urban America where we have an absolute excess of everything a human being could possibly want. I've never wanted for anything and have at times been embarrassed in certain company over how fortunate we are as a culture. But what about cultures that aren't as fortunate as we are (which is most of the world)?
Have you ever seen a row of tomato plants and an igloo in the same picture? In all the photos and video footage you've seen over the years of Mt. Everest and the Himalayas how many gardens have you seen? How many vegetables have you seen growing out of those rocks and glaciers? How about west Texas, southern Arizona, New Mexico, the California High Desert, and the Sonoran Desert of northern Mexico. Ever been there? How many cacti and dried chilis do you think you could eat?
Do you know why people in Southeast Asia and remote Africa eat bugs? Because they have to. So, If I was starving and the only thing I could see for miles was snow, ice, and a baby seal I would beat that little bastard silly!
I suppose that it's okay that whaling is illegal in the U.S. Not sure I'd want to eat a whale. And I don't hunt because a) I could never shoot an unarmed animal. I love animals. And b) I don't eat game. But here's the thing. God made certain animals specifically so humans could eat them! Read the book! It's in there. Start at Genesis and make your way through to the New Testament. We're supposed to have complete and total mastery and control over animals, and WE'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT THEM!
In fact, here's how important this was to God (years before PETA); Noah was to take one pair of each and every land animal onto the ark, but he was instructed to take 7 pairs of each animal that had been designated by God for eating (they're listed later on in the book).
PETA even has a site devoted to proving that God and Jesus intended us to be veg-heads. Okay, but if you want to take the bible literally let's go back to the old testament where for a couple thousand years animals were senselessly sacrificed on a daily basis (in the church even) to please God and to atone oneself for one's sins and indiscretions.
Um...ever heard of "loaves and fishes"?
Here's the newest. According to PETA we're supposed to refer to fish as "sea kittens". We're supposed to stop eating fish. We're supposed to stop fishing, or "hunting sea kittens". Seriously? Adopt a fish? Give a fish new hope? There's even a little activity page where you can design your own sea kitten. There's little sea kitten clothes, and little sea kitten sunglasses...I wish they had a little sea kitten machine gun.
Give me a fucking break! PETA suggests that by switching to a vegetarian lifestyle "you can save more than 100 animals a year". Alright, let's do the math.
Let's say that the 300 million people in our country stop eating animals tomorrow. By the beginning of February 2010 there will be more than an additional 30 billion animals roaming, shitting, and breeding in the United States alone.
Where should we put them? Are they to roam the streets like the anemic cows do in India? Ever seen one of these cows in the National Geographic. They're poverty stricken and malnourished too. If Indians would get over the idea that cows are their long passed relatives and start slaughtering them for food, the largest population of starving people on the planet would be instantly well fed! Problem solved! What would happen if we as a species stopped eating all animals for 10, 20, 30 years? Ever think about that? There's no birth control being practiced out there where the buffalo roam. Who do you think would be in charge of the world then?
PETA has a page devoted to saving chickens across America from a poor upbringing. The page is titled Kentucky Fried Cruelty. On the homepage Pamela Anderson (whore) is all dolled up (like a whore) in a video touting a ban on KFC. As far as I can tell she keeps her clothes on and her legs together in this video. Maybe she's pissed off because all the hormones are causing the birds' breasts to plump up bigger than hers (rubber and salt water).
She is joined on her Crusade of Stupidity by numerous other celebrities including Tommy Lee (Pam's ex john and porn partner), Richard Pryor (dead for 4 years now), the Dalai Lama (vegetarian, moot point), and Rev. Al Sharpton (need I say more?).
You wanna attack the slaughterhouses, feed lots, and poultry farms? Fine. Do it. Do it because they could do a better job, and because humans will benefit in the long run by having tastier and more nutritious food. There's a huge trend right now in holistic farming. Follow that, but don't tell me I shouldn't eat meat.
Altogether PETA has 66 different websites that specialize in a different angle to carry their message. Really...SIXTY-SIX! You can go here and count for yourself. Do you know of any company or organization that has (or needs) sixty-six websites to carry their message?
"Have some … pus with your cookies? If you down a glass of cow’s milk, you will. It may be white, but researchers say that every cupful contains somatic cells, i.e., pus."
Jesus! So we're just supposed to drink water, juice, and soy-goddamn-milk, and eat roots, stalks, and leaves?
Comedian Ron White said it best I think:
"I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots."
PETA had a commercial set for the 2009 Super Bowl promoting vegetarianism, but it got banned. It featured attractive, lingerie clad women using vegetables in provocative ways, with the tag line, "Vegetarians have better sex." They proudly make it available on their website here, along with their sarcastic rebuttal to NBC for rejecting the spot.
Their campaign is based on the concept (stated as a fact) that vegetarians make better lovers. Let me tell you something -- first of all the models they used for their commercial are not likely vegetarians. Second of all, I've dated a couple vegetarians. Great lovers they weren't. Something about being "meat shy" if you get my drift.
I wish I had a nickel for every customer I've cooked for that had special needs because they were vegetarians. "I can eat eggs, dairy, and fish." Guess what? Fish and cheese ain't vegetables. Eggs are chicken! And true vegans - another planet altogether. Hey, I'm not knocking it really. God knows my diet shouldn't support life at all. I can't remember the last time I ate a vegetable. All I'm asking for is the right to meals without persecution.
They've even got a cookbook..."Cooking With PETA". How about "Cooking With Pets"? Okay, listen...I love animals. I love my dog and have kept fish, snails, snakes, ferrets, turtles, rabbits, cats, birds, lizards, toads, and even a praying mantis once I think. I never ate one of them. And I believe strongly in adopting pets, closing down "puppy mills", spaying and neutering, rescuing injured or abandoned animals, and keeping pets indoors as much as possible. Pets are to be loved -- not eaten and not to be used as lawn accessories.
But God meant damn well for me to eat steaks, bacon, and cheeseburgers. He meant for ice cold milk from a cow to go with warm cookies. I love the AFLAC duck, but not as much as a steaming bowl of crispy Thai red curry duck. AFLAC this! And while Babe is one of my favorite movies, I rarely turn down an opportunity to eat a pig.
Well, last night when I took the pictures I was excited...
These are taken at the 32 hour mark. Clearly the yeast has settled in and there is bonafide fermentation taking place. Hooray!You can tell just by looking at the level and the bubbles from the side view that something has changed radically since the same time the day before. From the directions that I am following I was expecting it to be days before this would happen. Not sure what this means about the cleanliness of my house.
Now check out what was happening just 4 hours later! Man, it's the Attack of the Killer Yeast! Very exciting. I went to bed expecting that this morning the starter will have blown up to the rim of the container and I can give it a feeding and put it away. But then.. This morning it looked the same. I went ahead and fed it a cup of water and a cup of flour, and let it set out at room temp for a few hours. I did not see additional activity at this point and was a little concerned. Hmmm.
I went ahead and mixed up a little dough to see what would happen. The recipe I used is loosely based on a formula for "No-Knead" Bread from Jim Lahey at Sullivan Street Bakery in NYC! This is the bread I intend to make first.
Here is the formula that I am using as an ingredient modification with Jim's method unaltered:
1 cup Sourdough Starter 1 cup Distilled Water 2 teaspoons Kosher Salt 3 cups Flour
I think that I will prefer King Arthur bread flour, but that's not what I had on hand to start with today. I just used some all-purpose schwag. Just testing basic principles at this point.
I put all this stuff together at about 3:00 pm. It is now 12:30 am and to be honest not a lot has happened. Also, the newly fed starter hung out in a warm place for about 5 hours with no significant change. I'm a little worried. Hope I didn't kill the little guys somehow.
I'm really hoping for a miracle of life to be happening in that bowl come morning. Check back this time tomorrow...there'll either be a cool pic of a crusty loaf, or a very short description of Sourdough Starter - Take #2!
Well, here we are. 24 hours after beginning the great sourdough adventure we have what appears to be a minimal amount of activity.
I stirred the mixture a little to allow any yeast that has settled a little better coverage within the muck. Though the starter still has a healthy and untainted flour smell, and the level of volume hasn't changed, there do seem to be some bubbles forming. Bubbles would be evidence of yeast, but could also just be escaping air that was whipped into the starter in either the original manufacturing process or the subsequent "folding".
For those of you unfamiliar, here is the life cycle of yeast and what is happening along the way:
Yeast is in fact a living organism and is classified scientifically as a fungi. It is estimated that there are approximately 1,500 species, but only around 1% of them have been documented.
Dry yeast is yeast that is dehydrated and packaged for maximum shelf life and ease of use for primarily baking applications. The yeast cells are in a dormant state and will become vibrantly active when exposed to moisture.
There is also cake yeast, which is a moist block of yeast, and liquid yeast as well which is largely used in brewing, distilling, and winemaking.
Yeast, like most living organisms, requires certain conditions in which to live and reproduce. The main 4 are moisture, food , neutral pH, and an agreeable temperature. In this case the ideal temperature is between 70 and 90 degrees Fahrenheit and the required meal is sugar.
When exposed to the proper conditions, and with or without a partner, the yeast cell feeds on sugar, reproduces, and gives off carbon dioxide and alcohol as byproducts. This process is called fermentation.
When the carbon dioxide gets trapped within the structure of dough it causes layers of the dough to separate (or rise), and expands further when heated in baking. The resulting alcohol creates a pleasant flavor as well. Without this process bread would be dense and flavorless
When the gas is trapped in a seal container of liquid it results in carbonation as in beer, Champagne, and out-of-date orange juice.The process that I am undertaking to gather wild yeast is all that there was for making bread until Charles L. Fleischmann introduced commercial yeast to the market in 1876.
So, check back tomorrow and let's see if anything else develops!
Being out of work is really taking its toll. In my job search of over two months now I'm finding that the market is flooded with overqualified, out-of-work chefs.
All this time off has help to inspire me to cook at home more, something I have seldom done a lot of over the years.
The other day I made some Mexican Fudge. It was my third attempt in a week, and I still don't have it right. What I'm trying to make is a duplication of this incredible fudge they sell on the streets in Mexico, and also in Hispanic markets here in the states. Mexicans call it Jamoncillo, or "little hams". I don't get the ham reference.
What I have had ranges from a taupe to light-brown sugar color, is very sweet, and has a creamy texture but with a pleasant graininess from the minute sugar crystals. Most recently I had the best ever. I bought it in a Latin market here in Charlotte when I went in to get some skirt steak and some chicharones (incredible fresh fried pork skins the size of your hand).
These were little slabs of individually wrapped candy called Crema de Leche. This term literally refers to what we call whipping cream or heavy cream, so the name is really a marketing term for this product. It was light in color and had a texture similar to maple candy. You know those little candies you get at the Cracker Barrel that are outrageously expensive and even more tasty - and there's always one in the center of the box shaped like a maple leaf?
You know - the one's with a delicate, thin, crunchy layer of crystallized sugar on the outside and rich, creamy goodness and silky smooth maple love in the middle?
Hold on...I'll be right back...
Okay, so it was like that except cheaper and without the maple flavor. And I tried three times to reproduce it and failed. Not really even sure I learned anything. One recipe had baking soda in it. I had to translate it from Spanish. It foamed up, boiled over, turned dark caramel brown, and began to scorch before it got to the correct temperature.
The most popular recipe I found online for Jamoncillo consisted of condensed milk, milk, and pecans. I don't know for sure if they have pecans in Mexico, but I never saw any - especially not in fudge.
I was supposed to boil one cup of condensed milk while blending (in a blender) 1/4 cup of whole milk for exactly 2 minutes. Not sure what that was supposed to do. Once the condensed milk boils you mix the two together, pour into a wax paper lined dish, garnish with the nuts (I opted to leave them out altogether), and allow to set up to a sliceable texture.
You might be saying to yourself, "That ain't ever gonna work", and you'd be right.
Moving on...
I looked up Mexican Fudge this time and found a recipe that seemed plausible from my limited experience with fudge making (a universally common procedure). I think it might have been not so bad if I had a thermometer, but I lack the intuition to estimate sugar temperatures by sight - a skill that comes easy with a little experience.
Having put off fudge making for a bit I'm moving on to sourdough.
I made a small batch of sourdough starter. Here's a topic that without a whole lot of effort you can find enough material on to fill an entire bookshelf with. Yeast, no yeast, certain types of yeast, pineapple juice, grapes, certain types of flour, certain brands of flour, pH tests, chemistry, ad infinitum.
The one thing I know for sure about bread is that it is one of the oldest foods known to man. I don't know of a single culture on the planet that doesn't eat some type of bread at some point on some occasion. The poorest, stupidest people on Earth have had bread to eat since about day 9. This can't be that difficult.
I'll keep you posted.
[This coming from someone who couldn't put 3 ingredients (2 of them sugar) together and boil them up into an edible form of candy. Heck, it'll be something to write about for a few days at least.]
The idea I chose to run with is the one that was the easiest, most practical, most traditional, and made the most sense. One cup of warm water (I elected to use distilled to avoid chemicals that might kill yeast), and one cup of flour (I used Gold Medal brand unbleached bread flour because it's what I had). Mix it up and let it sit at room temperature until it smells and bubbles. Should take no more than a week to ten days - probably less. Sounds easy right?
I put the starter in a plastic container and covered it with cheesecloth. The point here is that naturally occurring, airborne wild yeasts will fall, fly, crawl, or be thrown into my starter. Once there they will feed off of the natural sugars and starches from which flour is composed, and grow to a sizable population of sugar eating, carbon dioxide producing creatures that will leaven dough and produce a pleasant flavor and aroma in the finished bread. The cheesecloth lets some air and some yeast in while keeping larger critters and debris out. Later on it will be fully covered for safe keeping.
I took some pictures, although I didn't think about it until about 8 hours after I mixed the stuff up. Already there seems to be a little bit of activity. I'll take some everyday and post them. If you're out of work and bored like me we can watch this puddle of much grow together!
So I was going to write this blog about losing one of the top 5 worst jobs I've ever had. And I was probably going to say some things that I shouldn't say. But everything happens for a reason and I'm lucky to be away from the place! So I'm letting that one go.
Then I thought about writing this piece about the really awesome Christmas I had with my family. It was the first Christmas we've all spent together since 2001. And to be honest it was the first Christmas dinner I've ever cooked. With a great disdain for turkey, and for all things traditional, I conjured up an Italian feast for 8 that would've comfortably fed about 23.
In fact I did write that piece. Then I realized it was less about food and more about what I think of the watering down of this specifically Christian holiday, and the use of the word "holiday" instead of "Christmas".
So I came up with a nice story about doughnuts!
I helped out a buddy (who I swore I'd never work with again) with a Christmas party catering this year. Fact is he was banned from the place and called me in at the last minute, but that's not what this is about. He had gone out this little bakery to buy mini desserts for the event, and what he brought back were some of the most amazing little delights that have passed across my palate--doughnut holes!
I was raised in North Carolina, home of Krispy Kreme, and I don't want to hear about anything else. Dunkin' be damned. But somehow doughnuts have become my greatest obsession over this last month or six weeks. Now my buddy Unkle Chef just returned from New England with the story of some damned doughnut mecca he went to in Massachusetts. You can read all about that on his blog, but this is my story.
There's this little bakery here in Charlotte, on Park Road, called Suarez Bakery. I'm 41 and can't remember that bakery ever not being there, although it hasn't always been Suarez. It was a Federal Bakeshop when I was a kid, and I never went in but I remember the wedding cake in the window. I think the same one is still there. So I just recently got turned on to this place.
You walk into a bakery storefront that is probably twice the size it needs to be; cases filled with all the stuff you would expect in a retail bakery in the south. Cupcakes, cookies, cream horns, novelties for the kids...and doughnuts. Not a large selection mind you. Glazed doughnuts, doughnut holes, and Texas doughnuts (glazed doughnuts the size of hubcaps with the hole spectacularly resting on top...package deal). They are absolutely amazing for a shop that doesn't really "do" doughnuts as a focal point.
Today was a rainy day, much like the last 6 have been, and I stopped in after a job interview to pick up a couple dozen holes to take home. Some bitch had just been in and bought all but five of them. Damn it!
Dissappointed I drove home, went straight to the computer, and started looking up doughnut batter recipes. I said batter, not dough. See at Krispy Kreme you used to be able to watch the doughnuts being made. That was the big gimmick at KK before they stupidly sold out to the mainstream corporate demons and expanded more quickly than the market could support them. Now they're all but closed up here in Charlotte at least.
Hot & Now! When those words are lit up in green and red neon along the front of the store you can watch them mix the batter, drop the soft dough onto trays, and put them in huge rotating-shelf proof boxes to rise. After 20 minutes or so they drop the doughnuts into this lazy-river style trough of sizzling oil. Halfway down the line a little paddle comes up out of the oil and flips them, and at the end they're flipped again onto a wire conveyor. As they round the bend for the home stretch the doughnuts glide under a silky curtain of vanilla flavored sugar glaze, and then right to the box and into the hands of lusting customers.
Texturally they ain't Krispy Kreme, but with the right amount of vanilla in the glaze they're actually pretty close flavorwise. The recipe says it makes 2-3 dozen. I think I got about 640 from the looks of things, and the feeling I have in my tummy some 8 hours later.
Maybe next I'll write a blog about the dangers of obsession.
I am a Chef. This is a place for me to write. It's a place for me to share my thoughts, passions, and experiences with friends, family, and other chefs. It's a place for me to reflect on my career of over a quarter of a century, a place to share some of the characters I've come across, and a place for me to rant about some of the crap that's come my way.
Enjoy!
I started working in the foodservice industry in 1986 when after high school it became apparent that I was going to have to work for a living, and the "job" I had at the time was not looking like a very secure one.
Since then I graduated from The Culinary Institute of America, worked in Mobil rated restaurants, managed restaurants, been an Executive Chef and a Pastry Chef, became certified by the American Culinary Federation (ACF), won numerous awards, and catered over 200 high-end weddings.
I have lived and worked in 8 states and on both coasts. I've taught culinary school and worked as a personal chef for some famous and some not so famous people. I'll cook most anything for most anyone if it'll make the car payment for one more month.
I've won a few and lost a bunch! If I knew how to do anything else I'd probably be doing it. They say that this business gets in your blood. I often wish I could afford a transfusion, but all-in-all a Chef's life is not a bad one!